Feeling attached when really you are single

So I haven't felt single for the last few months now, around 3 or 4, but I have definitely been single in that time no doubt about it.

It all stems from Portugal, a really nice trip I had last year.

It was on that second day of my vacation in Belem , Lisbon when I met a woman, we had started chatting and seemed to get on, then spent the rest of the day together talking having quite simply a nice time together. As we parted we shared mobile numbers then that night became friends on facebook and continued to chat, quite a lot!

She did look so beautiful on facebook, her profile pictures were stunning!

Anyways! So as I say we continued to talk, a lot, just generally getting to know each other. Work, family, reading habits, favourite movies, food, all that stuff!

I think you can build up feelings for someone just from hearing the right words said ( or read them ) and just spend enough time getting to know them, on top of that unfortunately this lady could make me laugh and that can go faster to my heart than any food!

And that it was I did, I built up feelings for this woman. Started to think about her almost every damn minute of the day!

Now it is over.

So it has been nice engaging with this female online and I think at one point we may have even shared similar feeling for each other, but there have been the downsides to this type of relationship:

1) Holiday blinkers. We met in a foreign country while in that holiday frame of mind, that can certainly be dangerous by increasing how attractive someone looks to you.

2) When chatting online and developing feelings you can allow your emotions to build too strongly without really knowing if the other person feels the same way, I think we both felt for each other for a bit , but feelings had faded or got a little mangled.

3) Distance , I would have loved to see her again a lot sooner than we had planned ( we planned another meeting 4 months later ) , but she lives in Russia, not the easiest country to hop in and out of as a Brit.

So problems amounted but we still spent a long time talking to each other and it has been nice , really quite beautiful to be honest. You get to know someone, care for them, like it when they are happy, distance becomes less relevant, they are exotic from a far away land which can boost fantasies of serious life changes and exciting possibilities.......but that is all they are, fun as that might be.

It was never realistic and I knew that, yet I allowed myself to build up feelings for this woman who would inevitably move on, if I didn't first, after all who can date a set of text! The fact we couldn't just date and see if we were compatible was really frustrating somedays!

I must say though, the experience has been like falling for the character in a book, only more interactive. I could visualise the person behind the words that would pop into that facebook messenger textarea. It has been nice, that little romance away from the realities of life and living with someone for real.

Now, I am going to add the following message from her , not out of spite to her, not to try and garner any sympathy from anyone, it is just to remind myself of a moment, this is for me when I re-read this 1 month / 1 year / 1 decade later. I just want to mark this little moment as it is just one of those things you can forget and it is interesting as time passes to remember these moments:

'Listen, I must say one thing to you, I met one guy and I fall in love'

It did hurt emotionally to read those words but it was the inevitability about the whole thing. But then she didn't have to say anything about it, she could have just dropped me off facebook , I think with that in mind it was good of her, I think she knew it was not going to be a fun time for me, so I actually appreciate that.

Anyways now it is over I can look to the future, I am starting to feel free of some shackles I put round my own ankles, now I can really look around at the possibilities and find someone local, someone I can actually live and love, they might still be Russian, you never know!

I do still want to remain friends with my Russian penfriend especially as we are still going to hang out in Istanbul in February. Hopefully she will still help make life's tapestry all that more colourful, she just won't be expected to do much weaving.

I guess the morale of this story is never, ever, ever! underestimate the power of words.

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