'Put yourself first and find out what makes you happy' was the advice my best friend gave me after I had gone round her flat for a cup of tea and a shoulder to cry on.
After 6 months a nice relationship has come to an end, not one I wanted to see the back of, one I thought would last, but such is life, we don't always get what we want and this is one such time.
Without going into too much detail it was ended by my girlfriend due to her complicated past, circumstances has dictated that the relationship cannot continue. As much as I want to fight it I know I cannot change what is, that hurts. Broken hearted yes, but she didn't break my heart as much as take it, give it a kiss, place it gently down then walk away.
But back to the big question , what does make me happy.
I thought this was a simple question to answer, which it kind of is but you can't just snort and dismiss it as an obvious query. Until you really think about it do you know what makes you happy?
For me and I would imagine many others it is going to be quite a few obvious things like tohse happy cliches sunshine and thunderstorms, they are always great, but further up the happiness tree what is it that makes you get out of bed in the mornings with a smile ( blow job is too obvious! )
One thing that makes me happy is not doing someting I thought I loved which is drink. Drink had found its way back into my life with a vengeance recently and one of the gifts I received from my recently ended relationship was the ability to put this bad habit under control ( 26 days drink free right now ), but not for the relationship , for me , that was important!
To keep off casual nights of heavy drinking I have a cool little iphone app that helps me tick off my non-drinking days , makes a toy of a real life situation and I feel happy to see a long row of pint glass icons with a line struck through them on the app interface.
As of writing the relationship has ended a few days ago but instead of going to a bar to drink till it hurt and try to make sense of the situation made all the harder when the blood flow to the brain is impeded I've stood firm, Fuck you booze your not taking me down again , your not going to leave me laid in an empty bed pining for someone I felt dearly for , fuck you!
I must point out that drink was not the factor that ended the relationship but it's relevant to the blog post.
To help combat the blues as I still try to accept that something precious is over I've made sure I go out with friends, for lime sodas or a walk to the shops , just to keep busy and stay out the quiet flat where happy memories now sad lurk.
Being out tonite has been especially beneficial. Sat out by the harbourside with a lime soda I've actually felt quite upbeat considering. I think it was the nice energy around from the crowds who weren't getting slaughtered. Thursdays are less hedonistic and it's more a mixed crowd of young and old having a pleasant night rather than preparation for a nightclub -> kebab -> taxi queue.
I've just enjoyed being out and chatting with my mate, I think that is something I like , something I need is quite simply to socialise. It is something I'ver found Spanish, Portuguese and Greek mates do with ease, they socialise more and drink less. Feeling upbeat espeically right at the present time has really highlighted the importance of catching up with chums and just having a nice time minus the turbulent alcohol consumption.
I know that training, studying and work are other factors that I want to work at to make me happy as well but sometimes the simple things can get neglected.
We've already pencilled in next Thursday for another lime soda / coffee social out on the town and we're hoping to invite a few other people along with us.
So to answer the question right now , what makes me happy is quite simply, friends.
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